Blue Ray Opera
Blue Ray opera
Paterns Dating, How to stop kissing the frog .......
It is believed that to find the One, you have to kiss many frogs. This belief is based on a fairy tale that is familiar to us all, and although you all know that is not based on a true story, we hope our blinders and believe that you are just an frog kiss away.
As a communications coach, I worked with people who spend all their energy looking for a right of kissing frogs in hopes of finding the handsome prince, princess, and what happens is the usual disappointment and eternal sentence: "Why do I always attract the wrong one?" Well, if you've done this question, you're right. Humans are magnets with an established pattern of appointments. If you look at all the people you have dated, ask yourself: "What is what we all have in common? "The answer is," you. "
Some of my customers complain, "I can not believe this happened to new, "" Have they learned nothing "" I'm tired of meeting Mr wrong ... "Well lets clarify a few things. I'm sure that my clients have learned something certainly not mean that they will apply. Ask yourself how many times have you seen a big red light, but you just jump to this situation with the hope that this time, this frog is "different."
As humans, we always have hope (which is good) and we have high expectations, expectations that sometimes are difficult to fulfill. You end up being disappointed by the other, but for yourself. You have the dream relationship in his mind, and is willing to sacrifice a little frog kiss so the spell will disappear and your fairy tale dream come true. Then you wake up and realize your frog is still a frog and the fairy tale is not quite a soap opera with a happy ending that you imagined.
What then? How react? In my experience, I found several interest rates of the reactions to this situation:
The sprinters "who will flee from this situation without changing the pattern of citations in search of another frog to kiss and this time, "I will be" lucky.
The Denyers "who say:" It was not me. " Escape the situation and blame others without taking responsibility, it's always somebody else's problem. They had nothing to do with the fact of choosing a frog to kiss.
"Too humble" they say, "I am not worthy." In this case our self-esteem is at stake, and we believe once again that they are not worthy of a good relationship.
Syndrome "Savior." His calling in life is to save someone to get emotionally involved, so that thrive in this type of situation.
The "Opportunists second" who believe in second chances, but not to count correctly. Second does not mean 1000th.
The "conquistadores Lover" who believe that love conquers all. This is true when the other person feels the same and is equal emotionally interested you.
If you see yourself reflected in one of these profiles CALL ME NOW ... Seriously, do not panic you're not crazy, only human. Humans are animals habits and tend to reproduce the same thing over and over again. However, we also have the ability to learn from experience. Furthermore, experience is what we to use when looking for someone.
"The frog" may be a relationship that has ended and you do not know how to proceed. Or, "the frog" you can go with someone who is totally wrong for you, but hope you or your partner will change. Or sometimes, "The Frog" is the collective confidence you have and you automatically know any projects.
Sometimes we know we are in the frog "zone" because we are going through a " déjà vu emotional. "déjà vu is a feeling that something has happened before, but not exactly know when or where. When appointments, development of a relationship or end it, sometimes we have emotional Déjà vu, because we are moving in the same pattern of behavior that creates a comfort zone data.
Some of my clients ask me: "So what should I do? I have to 'kiss a frog to eventually find' the one '." This statement is true, all you have kissed your good part of the frogs, and if you look around there are still more to be kissed. That's the fun of it. But you need know when to stop kissing.
When we are interested in someone, we must look at the person, not an expectation we have. You can not expect people to change fit your stereotype of "perfect." Instead of using emotional projection as the use of other filters to help you know whether to go further, or invest your time and energy elsewhere.
The filters are easy to use, and to analyze "the now." They do not have the emotional charge that the projections are. Emotional projections are based on the image they have of the "perfect" and "life" you would like have with the other. Filters are not the magic formula that will give you the address, phone number and the name of the ideal couple, but are a good selection system.
You might think: "Well, all sound interesting, but how I can create filters?" Well, use what you "know" their experience. You have all the facts, just use it. You have to look at its pattern of citations and analyze what does not work or did. Help make a list of all persons who have the date and the reasons why they were attracted to them. (It is best to use short words: intense, sexy, desperate ...) It is also important to note why things "did not work."
To find the filters to try this exercise:
Remember to use short words
List in order Chronological all the people you have dated or had a relationship with.
Write why you were attracted to them first
Underline to read the dates have not gone further and why.
Underlined in blue which moved to a relationship and why
The last step, focus on what ended the relationship (highlighted in blue)
This exercise will give you a map of the pattern of citations. Look at the filters that you have been using and ask yourself if they are helping you find what you are looking for.
Be honest "with yourself. It is not just the other fault. We observe the progress its pattern of citations over time and see if you have been making the same mistakes over and over again. The selection will be based on experience and not on expectations, based on what you know and not what they have yet to discover.
Some of my clients have trouble understanding the use of filters, and I wonder what would you do if you want to have "a great way for your body," "better health", "losing weight"
Most have the same answer "Change my diet." Well when you change your diet has a clear expectation of the future ", be at my best." But to reach that point it is necessary to apply some filters.
The beginning is committed to the goal by changing eating and exercise habits. To create the new pattern, you need to design a filter shopping list (low fat or low carb, high protein, vegetables, fruits ...) and an exercise routine (cardio more, walk more, run more ... ..) Depending on the desired results.
The next step would be to go to the supermarket to make the purchase. Because you have a filtered list that do not spend time in the food is not good for your diet, but rather focus on what is going to help you achieve your goal. There are passages that are beyond their reach because they are incompatible with the filters.
If you work with a coach in your body will realize that a new exercise and eating routine that are based on filters. These filters are designed to that you concentrate on the "now" (to eat healthy foods, drink more water, walk more ...) to achieve the results you want.
Success of a diet based on "the strength of will to change patterns of habit and this will influence their emotional relationship with food and your body."
REMEMBER, the filters are not a shield of "others." Not a place to hide, but a tool of the experience gained. Filters are progressive, because they adapt to the evolving relationship. We need to be given an opportunity to empower yourself to live, and know when to stop "kiss the frog" and move on.
I have seen many people are missing. My advice to them is this: "It's not perfect." we find someone to grow emotionally and generated close to the perfect relationship for both emotional. Prince Charming-princess is the relationship we have built and that they undertake a. Instead of waiting in a isolated tower for the knight in shining armor to rescue her solitude, perhaps you should ask, "Where do you want to take me and where I want to go."
I believe in the existence of love, but a personal love that is specific to each couple. Up to you to create the story you want and just make sure you have a say in what happens in that story. Do not just be the reader, but also the co-author.
So when things go maybe should ask: Am I kissing a frog?
About the Author
Ray is a communication coach specialized on relationships, business and life coaching.
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